fated2pretend (fated2pretend) wrote,

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Things have been crazy lately. I met someone who is so into me and I have no idea why. Like he's actually really NICE. And I'm terrified...I've never had these things done for me before. He'll willingly come pick me up from my house, opens doors, listens, and calls when he says he'll call.
He's one of the most caring, sensitive, down to earth persons I've ever met. But the thing is, I just don't know. I don't know if I'm ready...or if I'm just tricking myself into liking someone because they like me. I'm feeling really uneasy right now and I don't quite know what to do.
He's such a strong person, who's gone through a lot of shit like I have, but I just don't know. It's scary how much we can relate and how long we can talk. I could sit there listening to him for hours and he'd do the same. I'm so scared...I don't want to be hurt again but most of all I don't want to hurt him. He's such a beautiful soul, thinking about him makes me so happy but I'm also so afraid.
I just want to be able to allow myself to let someone love me. Seriously I want him to. But I'm holding myself back. He's so good, doing all the right things, having a strong relationship with god, doesn't drink or smoke, finds joy in the smallest things, finds joy in ME??!!?? I just can't fathom it.
I'll go along with it. I need to allow myself to love. And Korey could be the one who finally breaks my stone heart. I'm not going to be a rock of no emotion anymore. I'm letting it go.

My palms were sweating
And my heart grew big
My leg was shaking.
How badly I wanted you with me.
You came to me
And said this could be something
I'll take something over nothing
Any day.
What's with me
And the way that I've been lately?
What's with you
And the way you make me feel?

I'll leave you with lyrics that have been on my mind and kind of describe my heart right now. Music speaks to me when I can't find the words myself.

The first star I see may not be a star.
We can't do a thing but wait.
So let's wait for one more.
The time such clumsy time in deciding if it's time.
I'm careful but not sure how it goes.
You can loose yourself in your courage.
The mindless comfort grows when I'm alone with my 'great' plans.
This is what she says gets her through it: 'If I don't let myself be happy now then when?' If not now when?
When the time we have now ends.
When the big hand goes around again.
Can you still feel the butterflies?
Can you still hear the last goodnight?
Close my eyes and and believe wherever you are, an angel for me.

me and Korey

We'll see what the future holds...
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